when it's hot my stomach hurts and i miss henry. henry is a person i have never met. i don't know how i can miss someone i don't know or i could feel so much. henry is like a coke bottle in the parade of auschwitz. i feel so much despair. everywhere i turn there is an animal in a cage.
when i have a problem i buy a red heart purse and spit into it until it is full. then i throw the purse on the subway tracks. the heart gets run over and i feel my chest inflate. every person is full of problems and spit and sometimes people are bad. or maybe there is a kind of badness that is like a bacteria and some people get infected with it but it's not their fault any more than getting the bacteria that causes stomach ulcers. this happened to my grandmother.
i like yellow circles of light and the shadows they make. when i am alone i miss henry so much my chest sinks down through the couch. i find myself chewing on a coke bottle and then i think, "remember how you are not supposed to be doing this." i can feel the glass in my chest. i don't want to do the dishes if henry isn't here. when i go home there is always a small animal waiting for me in the corner.