the missing eye

i worry about how much a disease will cost. the first time i saw a picture of robert creeley i thought of my cat.
this is because of the missing eye.

when i hear the word "frequency" i think of all of the tumors in my body shaking at the same pitch.
today i thought "there will be a moment when i will only have three and a half minutes left."

i wished we were lying down together in a room that was blue and quiet. i felt the cat jump
on the bed even though he died a while ago.

i thought of the words "cat ghost" and then "hallucination" and "mental break." and then i thought
"in our century we have learned not to fear words."

i saw a doctor about it. except i changed the word "cat" to "faucet" and the words "jumped on the bed" to "i heard the water running."
he said "it happened, you are sad." and then i had to pay a fee.

i tried to get another cat but i kept thinking "cat death."
i closed my left eye and thought "this is how things are now."

sometimes i think if i hear "frequency" again i will start speaking french. i will have caught foreign language syndrome from the word "frequency." it would be ok because instead of thinking "cat death" i would think "chat mort."